We were so excited after talking to everyone at the clinic. They were all so nice and kind and genuinely wanted this to work out for us. They kept talking about praying for us that it would all work out. They do embryo transfers with frozen embryos every other month. They are a regular IVF clinic as well and do fresh IVF's too. We were hoping to do the embryo transfer in July, but it was already booked, so we went with September for the transfer.
There was a lot involved in the embryo adoption process. We were given around 200 donor profiles to look through. All the profiles were of Caucasian descent. The goal was to find a couple that looks the most like us. In the beginning, it was easy to discard those couples that did not look like us. For example, if they had black hair, which neither of us has, we took that couple out. Or if they had brown eyes or if they were both tall or if they were both short, etc. We looked for those couples that were similar to us. This part of the process was mostly the outside appearance characteristics along with ethnic roots and academic achievements.
We narrowed our choices down to twenty couples. We had already decided that we would do an open adoption so all of these couples were also willing to do that as well. We then needed to choose which couples we would actually go forward with. We needed to choose a total of five embryos and then list them in the order of preference of who we like the best. The doctor then viewed each one and determined which embryos were the best for transfer. If one embryo is unfrozen and doesn't look good, they go onto the next in order. We chose to implant up to four embryos, which is the maximum you can do. If when the embryos are unfrozen and the first and second one looks great, even if you say you'll do four, they might stop there because they are confident there will be a pregnancy.
We actually ended up choosing four couples that either had one or two embryos, so we got our five embryos. Once we chose the couples, the NEDC let us know if they were available or not. Some were and some were not, so we had to choose again. Once we had our couples solidified, we received an even more extensive history on them so we could decide if they were the ones we wanted to go into contract with or not. There was much more detailed information and much of it was on family history. For example, heart attacks and what caused them, Alzheimer's disease and how long it lasted, diabetes, etc.
We also received more extensive profiles on their interests. There were answers to questions such as: What's their favorite type of music? Food? What sports do you play? What are your hobbies and interests? Do you have any musical abilities? What instrument do you play? Then we went into the process of working out a contract with the caseworker to see how the open adoption would go. It was very similar to a regular open adoption where you promise to let them know if the pregnancy happens, what the gender is if you find out, keep updates on how things are going, and when the baby is born, the name, weight, height, and how they are doing. And if you or the couple didn't feel comfortable about something you had the option to forgo it and find another couple. The process took longer since we had four couples we were working with. We could have picked a couple with more than 5 embryos and it would have been much faster but we felt a strong tie to the ones we had chosen. We will need to do genetic testing to determine which couple's embryo worked.
By the time the entire process was complete, we had missed the September window for embryo transfer so we went with the slotted time for November. We didn't know what date it would be until they took control of my cycle, similar to doing IVF. The only thing that was different from IVF is that they didn't harvest any of my eggs. I was given birth control so they could take over my cycle and determine when the embryo transfer date would be. November 16 was the chosen date. I then started taking baby aspirin and progesterone shots came shortly after. Ryan was a trooper and helped me do the shots in the morning and evening. We had done progesterone shots before, but we still had my friend, Kristin, help show us the best places to do the shot.
I was very apprehensive at the time but still had a lot of confidence in the process. We knew the main reason it didn't work with IVF the last time was because of the embryos. We had heard of success stories of others going through embryo adoption and were shown cute pictures of children born from this procedure so we felt good about it working. We were just praying there was nothing else that would cause problems since we didn't know how long I would stay pregnant.
As the time approached, I did everything I could to relieve any stress and be relaxed. They suggested us coming out a day before the embryo transfer, especially since we were flying, so we would have time to get settled and relax. The time for the transfer wasn't until 2:00 PM the next day, so we took it easy that evening and then relaxed all that morning. When we got there, the entire embryo transfer was pretty quick. They let us know that the first two embryos they thawed were okay. They rate them on a number scale with 5 being the best. The embryos were rated a 3 and a 4. The next couples embryo was thawed and were rated 5 AA which is the best you can get. They ended up transferring all three. After the transfer, I rested for about an hour and then we were on our way back to our hotel to rest some more. I slept for a good three hours or so. We weren't going back until the next day, so we took it easy again. Especially since we wanted to do everything we could to not stress me out.
After that, there was a waiting game to see if I was actually pregnant. I went in for some blood work. Originally, they said I would need to go in just a couple times, but my numbers were not doubling like they were supposed to, so I needed to go in a few more times. For someone that had already had a tough time getting pregnant, this did not help out, but we had faith and continued praying that the pregnancy would work. Our little embryo just took a little more time to get going, but when he did, we were glad to hear that we were definitely pregnant.
With NEDC, we only needed to check in two more times. We went to an IVF clinic in Payson to get ultrasounds and make sure the embryo was continuing to grow at nine weeks and twelve weeks. The doctor called this time period the "gummy bear" stage, which is so true as the fetus looked like a little gummy bear. We had an ultrasound done where our cute little gummy looked like she was dancing or he was boxing. We found out later that he was boxing.:)
We would love to mentor or talk to anyone that is interested in embryo adoption. The NEDC was amazing and was so involved with our well-being. They were good at responding to us quickly and helping us with any questions we had. They were very professional and helped us get everything done that we needed to get done. We are so happy with our little miracle and are definitely looking to do this again. Since we didn't use two of the couple's embryos, we can use them for a later date. We will only need to find three more embryos next time.
Just a few answers to questions people might have:
- Is there an age limit?
- Yes, you must be 45 or younger to go through the process. This is important because we had been trying for 9 years so we might only be able to do this a couple more times.
- Can the couple decide to take the baby back, like in an adoption?
- No. Since the couple has donated the embryo to NEDC, the embryo is considered to be property, which waives the couple's rights to take the child.
- Do you have to do an open adoption?
- No, they recommend it, but if you would rather have a closed adoption, that is possible. They do have you watch quite a few videos to educate you on the adoption process and the best way to let your child know where they came from.
- How many times do you need to actually go to Knoxville to visit the doctor?
- Two times. The first time is for the consult and to go through a trial transfer to make sure you are a good candidate for the procedure. The second time is for the actual procedure. After that, you can do anything from where you live, but make sure the data gets to NEDC that day.
- How much money is the procedure compared to IVF or Adoption?
- It is less than both options. Not a ton less, but less. When we did IVF before, it was about $15,000 each time and adoptions were anywhere from $25,000 to $40,000. This is definitely a more affordable option.
- Would you do it again? Would you suggest it to someone else?
- In a heartbeat! Most definitely would I suggest it to someone else. Of course, this is a big decision like anything is and when you have been praying and trying so hard to have a baby, an emotional decision. Was there still a bit of faith involved? Most definitely. If it hadn't worked the first time, I still would try it a second time. They do have a three-time limit, so if it doesn't work on the third time and you are younger than 45, they won't have you go through it again.
Please contact us if you have more questions about the procedure. Please send your friends, family our way that might want a different option. We had no idea this was an option until my friend Taylor told me about it. The best thing to do is share our story. The more people that know about this, the more hearts we can hopefully heal. And there are other options other than NEDC if you want something closer. We just really loved our experience with them and how personal they were.
Thanks for sharing in our journey and loving us during it. We could not have done this without the love and support of all our family and friends.
Thanks for sharing in our journey and loving us during it. We could not have done this without the love and support of all our family and friends.
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